Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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