what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
