So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
