I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
