he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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