my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
