dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
