wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
