My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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