there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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