Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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