I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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