Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
