and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
