Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
