Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Boobs speak an international language.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
