I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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