you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
