What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
