I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
