So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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