Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
