what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
