the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How external is "for external use only"?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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