I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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