I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
