I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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