I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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