She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
