Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
