Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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