I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't turn off my feet"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
