You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
