he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
