Four minutes until I can fart!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
