I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
