it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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