I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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