Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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