508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize