marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
