I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was confusing and full of hummus
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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