Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
