just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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