problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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