At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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