thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
