Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
