i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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