A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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