Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
