I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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