He is such a slut. More and more my type.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We got so high we made milksteak
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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