I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
