What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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