Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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