i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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