I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
