just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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