I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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