Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
